"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
- Siddhartha Buddha

Hate

You would think that hate would not be a tenet in a personal philosophy, though it's an important factor that can drive words, and many words can cause harm to you and those around you. In many cases, people can be triggered by hateful feelings, and when challenged this way, one can reply or react rationally. There are also many who choose to use hateful words to hurt loved ones and those around them, which can lead to emotional damage.

There is a saying;

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Through research, I can confidently say that this is not true and that words can cause much damage.

Hate is a powerful emotion. This "mental venom" can blacken your spirit, taint your soul, and infiltrate all of your relationships. Anyone who has become entangled in the arms of hatred understands how damaging and thought-consuming it can be. The word has power, especially when spoken by someone close to you (Sklare, 2022).

A person's chosen language can not only affect another's feelings but can also affect how one perceives events around them and can even influence the experience of physical pain (Lovering, 2022). Words that can cause this harm are often seen in bullying, abusive relationships, or even in a workplace and out in public.

Simply put, they can be all around us. This constant exposure to this hateful language can lead to emotional challenges such as anxiety, depression, and thoughts of feeling worthless and alone (Lovering, 2022).

Studies using brain imaging techniques give support to the theory that people's perception of pain can be influenced by language (Lovering, 2022).

In a study that was conducted in 2019, the researchers examined the behavioral and fMRI data of 17 individuals who took part in the study. Through this, they found that negative words, as well as pain-related words, worsened the pain much more than neutral language (Ritter et al., 2019).

The words that were associated with suffering induced a stronger response in a number of regions of the brain, including the anterior cingulate cortex and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, according to the findings of the study (Lovering, 2022).

In simpler terms, these words associated with negative emotions elicit a greater response from areas of the brain that are responsible for processing emotions, memory, and decision-making.

Another study published in 2019 found that verbal abuse from peers had severe implications in daily life. Some individuals struggled to remember appointments and personal commitments, in addition to dealing with a fear of coming across as assertive. Physical changes and increased irritability were also reported by some individuals as well (Yun et al., 2019).

Hateful words can also be triggered by simple disagreements, failing to see another's point of view, and so on; we've seen this recently with people who disagree in politics, religion, and even war. As a result, an individual may lash out or take to social media or email with hateful words.

How can one control their words from being hateful and harmful?

Your first step toward avoiding the use of hateful words is to realize the pain you can inflict when you speak; when you are feeling anger or hate bubbling in your mind, take a second to breathe, to try to understand why you are feeling this way, to identify your trigger and see if there is not a better way to proceed, this may be asking further questions to the persons you are trying to communicate with, if you do not understand there points of view, ask them why they think this way, step into their shoes, try to see their perspective even if it is not your own.

If you are a victim of hateful words or verbal abuse, understand that you are not alone, and there are resources that you can reach out to that can help you. Don't be afraid to seek help, and to recommend your abuser to seek help as well.

If you are experiencing bullying at school or at work, speak to someone in a higher power, such as a teacher or manager, no one wants your pain to continue, and there will always be someone willing to help you.

If hurtful words start to occur in personal relationships, such as from a spouse or partner, try to give them some space or encourage them to find the source of their hate and see if you can work it out without using hurtful words.

Most importantly, set boundaries to prioritize your own self-care and safety.

If the hurtful words escalate into abuse, it may be time to leave the situation.

Remember, words have power; choose them wisely…

What can I take from this?

Words matter. This is clear.

Hatred has the power to control our words and hurt those in its path. It is essential to understand their power, to know that you can control these actions, take control of your spoken words and turn it into something beautiful.

Resources

If you are in need and are not in immediate danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or text "START" to 88788. You can also speak with a mental health professional (Lovering, 2022).